momslilassassin: ([neg] crying)
Ben had been working on a mouse droid to keep his mind occupied when he felt it: the familiar, stomach clenching vacuum in the Force of someone who should be there not existing any longer.

And even though he'd known it was coming, even though he'd grown up knowing it would happen, even though he'd said his goodbyes, that empty feeling was a shock all over again.




He curled into a ball, rested his head on knees, and wept.

He'd be there for a while.
momslilassassin: ([neg] disintegrating you with my brain)
It was all over, or at least as over as it was going to get for a while. Their Fandom friends and the Jeesh returned to their separate universes after Jaina's wedding. Allana's identity was no longer a secret, Wynn Dorvan was running the galaxy, the Jedi were leaving Coruscant permanently, and Luke, well. The meddroids said that Luke would never fully recover from his attack on Abeloth. Ben tried not to think about that.

Ben was trying not to think at all.

He was clearing out the last of the stuff in his room when a hollow ache started to build inside, and then his vision narrowed and went completely black. He thought for a minute that he might be passing out--he'd certainly done enough of that recently--but there was no dizziness or nausea to suggest that the vision change was the result of a concussion. He braced a hand on the nearest wall and stood waiting for his sight to return.

Instead, stars and nebulae began to appear in the darkness, rushing toward him at extreme velocity, but with no noticeable red-shift and without spreading apart as they drew closer. He began to feel apprehensive and disoriented, as though he were traveling through a galaxy far different from the one his parents had known.

He saw Coruscant mottled by patches of flickering red flame and black banks of drifting smoke, and beyond it there was a legion of dark silhouettes rising from a shadow-cloaked world, fanning out across the galaxy to meet a much smaller force of luminous shapes.

He saw a pair of tiny disembodied eyes floating through the darkness, collecting wisps of drifting gas and specks of loose dust, in its endless patience swaddling itself in the stuff of cold matter.

And Ben saw his cousin Allana, a young girl sitting cross-legged in front of a white throne, playing with her pet nexu while a small circle of Jedi fought a desperate battle at the foot of the dais, holding off an endless onslaught of beings. There were dark silhouettes and bejeweled women and horned aliens, and every so often a gray tentacle, which would appear on the steps to the dais and attempt to slip past unnoticed before a lightsaber descended to send it skittering back into the darkness.

Ben felt a sudden, overwhelming, flash of anger. All of the pain of the last few years--the last month--and nothing had changed. The Jedi would forever fight the darkness, Abeloth would go on feinting and parrying, the Sith would peek back out from whatever rock they'd gone to ground was pointless.

He glanced at the faces around Allana, looking for familiar ones, and to his surprise didn't see his father. Luke fought the darkness as easily as he breathed, and a Jedi Order without Luke Skywalker was one that, while inevitable, still took Ben's breath away. Ender had pointed out many times that the Order needed to refocus, learn to work without a Skywalker, but a vision of that as reality was both painful and a bit of a relief.

His vision gradually returned to the here and now instead of the future, and he was still feeling off-balance and angry. Why did they fight so hard and lose so much when it never changed anything?

He glanced down at his lightsaber and a thought occurred to him. He could change himself...

Let's have a heart-to-heart with Ender! )

Four years of Ben's life have led up to this moment. )

[OOC: Borrowed, then modified, from Troy Denning's Apocalpyse. Preplayed with the fabulous [ profile] endsthegame, and concluding our two week spam of your flist!]
momslilassassin: ([neg] death glare)
Ender and Ben's house in the Lake Country of Naboo was as spotless and welcoming as always, even if neither inhabitant was currently home. A bit of tinkering by Ben in a moment of boredom allowed the visitors access to the house via face recognition, and the fridge was full of food, if not exactly the color or consistency Earth folks were used to.

Welcome, friends! Chat awkwardly until Ben arrives! )

And then Ben tells you what the problem is. Four letters, starts with S, isn't shit. )


The ship that brought Ben and his friends from Earth from Naboo to Coruscant docked smoothly and lowered the landing platform into a sea of sentient beings of all colors, sizes, and number of heads.

Ben, his hair a bright, terrifying yellow gelled up into a double row of spikes, and wearing the latest in Coruscanti fashion (which, unfortunately, meant a skintight black jumpsuit with shiny sequins glued onto it) leaned in to point to a Coruscanti Immigration inspector, his zero-g motility pack emitting small hisses as he twirled in slow-motion cartwheels, demanding identichips and ten-credit “expediting fees.” Behind him followed a pair of Bothan escorts, their snouts wrinkling in disdain each time their superior solicited another bribe. "Those are the guys we have to get past," he said with a tiny smile. "No problem, right? Just remember, no violence. We're not trying to get any attention. Give the guy your documents and any bribe he asks for and meet me on the other side."

Everyone else has Cunning Disguises too! )

And then Ben, Tony, Valentine and Vestara pay a call on a Sith pretending to be a Senator-- )

--While Tara and Petra look for Ender. )

[OOC: Adapted from Troy Denning's Apocalypse (cheery title, yes?), and preplayed with the wonderful [ profile] life_inshadow, [ profile] hoorayimrich,, [ profile] endsthegame and [ profile] a_demosthenes.]
momslilassassin: ([neg] cheer up emo kid)
Ben was back at the window, staring out at the ocean and trying to find some calm. He and Ender had called Karla over, and while Ben trusted her absolutely when it came to healing (he wouldn't have had her help with Ender otherwise) and he wasn't afraid of pain, he kind of...worried about her reaction when she saw exactly what the Sith Lord had inflicted on him.

Thus the truncated meditation exercise. Not because he was nervous. At all. Really.

Ben was an expert liar, after all, and had been an expert at lying to himself for years.

[OOC: For the boy and the girl! Warnings for talk of being tortured Troy Denning-ed.]
momslilassassin: ([neg] lost little boy)
Ben woke up in the predawn hours, though he hadn't slept much during the night either. He'd finished his work on the lightsaber around midnight, and that was about the only constructive thing he'd accomplished.

He sat up where he'd slept, a couple meters from the campfire, wrapped his blankets around him, and began a series of breathing exercises, hoping to be as detached and reflective as Jedi should be.

When Darth Caedus died, and Lumiya before him, and when Tahiri had shown no sign of wishing to follow the Sith traditions, Ben had hoped it meant the Sith were gone for good. Oh, of course there had been suggestions otherwise: the continued existence of Ship, the rumors of dying Sith communities out in the galaxy somewhere. But he could ignore them. They weren't in his face, waving lightsabers.

That had changed with the arrival of the Sith strike team in the Maw. Most of the Sith that Ben and Luke and Ender had fought had been at the level of training of an experienced Jedi Knight. Luke described Vestara's female companion as being the approximate level of a Jedi Master, and Ben didn't feel lucky enough to hope that the strike team had been the last representatives of this new Sith Order.

So there were Sith again, and part of him, the younger Ben who'd been tortured and nearly turned by Darth Caedus, was still a little afraid of them. Death didn't frighten him. Becoming like Jacen...that was another matter.

Where Ender and Ben talk about Sith and the amazing Skywalker-Solo parenting skills )

Where the score in verbal sparring becomes Vestara 2, Ben 0. )

[Taken and adapted from Backlash by Aaron Allston. NFB, NFI.]
momslilassassin: ([neg] crying)
Ben wondered if he should have had a sanisteam and something hot to eat before attempting what he was about to do, but it was too late now. He trudged slowly to the spot where he, Luke, and Ender had spent so many days learning from Tadar'Ro. It all looked as it had before, the time-smoothed stones warm from the sun, the taller stones casting cool shadows. But didn't feel the same to Ben.

Here was where Tadar'Ro had taught Luke, and Ender, and Ben, and Jorj Car'das.

And here was where Tadar'Ro had taught Jacen Solo.

Hello again, Jacen. )

Where Ben has a long-delayed nervous breakdown )

[OOC: And we're done with Christie Golden's Omen. Many thanks to [ profile] endsthegame for the preplay on this one. NFB, NFI, OOC given donuts. Man, I want a donut.]
momslilassassin: ([neu] eye closeup)
Without his normal choice in coping--making many, many droids--Ben chose his second option: working himself into exhaustion.

Which was why he was down at the practice grounds, ready to face all comers.

This wouldn't be very interesting if no one stopped by, of course. )
momslilassassin: ([neg] I have a hood and am looking down)
Ben, who after two years on the island was used to the waves of emotion that happened towards the end of term, had been planning on taking a quick break to clear his head anyway, but the unmistakable feeling of death had hit him twice in two days had added exponentially to his need to go now.

And so, after leaving a slightly garbled message for Tahiri, he'd bolted for the shuttle without a thought in his head other than fleeing the pain for a little bit.

It was weeks like this when it sucked to be an empath.

[OOC: For the girl. FB until they take off. No squirrels in space, plz.]
momslilassassin: ([neg] crying)
It turns out that Skywalker stupidity stubbornness can only hold out so long against the forces of nature, and healing trances and meditation are not the same thing as sixteen solid hours of sleep.

Unfortunately for Ben, the sleep meant that his brain was trying to process all of the trauma he'd been repressing... )

Ben woke up with a cry, clapping both hands over his mouth so he wouldn't wake Ender, then remembered he was alone in the room. He curled himself around his pillow, buried his head in it to muffle the sound, and wept.

[OOC: For two who know who they are...]
momslilassassin: ([neu] bw staring)
Normally, Ben had a very defined routine on Mondays: run, lightsaber practice, classes, lunch with Ender, then an afternoon of either research or socializing.

Today he stuck to classes, and then returned immediately to the dorms without stopping for food. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to head down to the cabins again, and he felt safer in his own room at the moment.

...And its fascinating, fascinating ceiling. Which he'd been staring at for hours now.

But he was fine.

The door was firmly closed.
momslilassassin: ([neg] zomg!)
Ben had been slightly worried when Ender hadn't shown up for class, and more so when he'd taken their traditional coffees to an empty Stark's.

He trotted back to the dorms, wondering if Ender had come down with something--it wasn't like him to just skip out on class or work--and felt the hair on the back of his neck rise as he approached their room. He could tell already that no one was home, but he opened the door anyway.

Both coffees hit the floor when he saw the note.

He ignored the "don't worry" and the thing about Caligula, focusing instead on "eye of the storm."

Ender was gone, disappearing like Val had. Ben shoved aside a furious--and pointless--surge of hate for Graff. There was no proof it was his fault.


He stared at the piece of paper for a long while, hoping that maybe rereading it a few thousand more times would help him to understand what the hell Ender was doing.

He'd forgotten to close the door behind him.

You should have a bad feeling about this. )

[OOC: Preplayed with the lovely [ profile] glacial_witch. NFI, but OOC is loved and fed pie.]
momslilassassin: (Ben: sad panda)
It had been an extremely long and musical day, which was why Ben had fled to the beach as soon as his classes were over in the hopes that the song Captain Kirk had been singing would eventually get out of his head.

Naturally, he'd been on the beach all of a minute when he'd gotten his wish.

Cut for lyrics. Contain your shock! )

Ben sighed, repressed the daddy issues the island seemed to want him to deal with, and looked out at the water, hoping that no one had heard him.

[OOC: I, of course, hope no such thing. Open!]
momslilassassin: (Ben: sad panda)
Yesterday had been a very, very long day (no doubt made longer by how he hadn't gotten any sleep last night): lightsaber dueling and conversations he'd not wanted to have were exhausting, and even watching Face Loran make an absolute idiot of himself in old propaganda films hadn't been enough to restore his good mood.

Which was why after his class with Minsc, Ben had fled for the ice cream shop, and then some solitude.

He stirred his pint of vanilla into soup and watched the waves crash on the shore.

[OOC: He is totally bug-able, though!]
momslilassassin: (Ben: sad panda)
Ben wasn't hiding.

...much. It was his days without workshops, so after a run around the island, a stop in the salle, and time spent writing a letter to Aravis to catch her up on Fandom happenings (or at least a general sort of catch-up. He wasn't mentioning his fight with Ender, the extreme awkwardness that was his relationship with Tahiri right now, his conversation with John, or the impending arrival of his baby...aunt. It wasn't a tremendously helpful letter).

Now he was sitting in the middle of his floor, barefoot, with his hands resting easily on his knees and his eyes closed as he tried to regain equilibrium through meditation.

His father was so much better at this.

The door was cracked open.
momslilassassin: (Ben: bw scruffy)
His headache had finally cleared up, so Ben was trying to catch up on his robotics work this evening.

Well, that was his story, anyway. It wasn't like he slept more than a few hours a night. The door was closed, though, so the sound didn't carry down the hall.

[OOC: For the girl.]
momslilassassin: (Ben: sad panda)
Ben normally had a fairly accurate internal clock, but he had absolutely no idea what time it was by the time he finally made his way to the dorms. He'd carefully shut himself down in the Force--he wasn't ready to face either Jaina or Tahiri yet--and made his way slowly up the stairs to his room.

In his head, the litany of the names of the dead and wounded repeated over and over and over again. Zekk, missing. Jaina, in the clinic for the foreseeable future if she wanted to walk again. And the dead: Shevu. Prince Isolder. Most of the Hapan court, including little Allana. Jacen.

Ben hadn't cried. He didn't see the reason to.

He walked past Ender's room and paused. Might as well let him know that he wouldn't be inheriting droids...

He rapped quietly at the door, intending to stay for only a second. He didn't want to wake anyone up.

[OOC: for the other emo boy...and contents are going NFB.]
momslilassassin: (Ben: lost little boy)
Stars had finally come to Shedu Maad's black skies. Ben glanced up and saw a thousand of them chasing each other through the night, flinging slivers of light back and forth, exploding into brilliant orange flames. It would be beautiful if you didn't know what it was. Or who was up there.

Cut for truly epic levels of teal-deerness )

[OOC: Cut for length heh, violence, and off-screen character death. Dialogue taken from Troy "Yes, Their Lives *Can* Get Worse" Denning and his book Invincible. And this is the end of the spamming, I swear. NFI, NFB, OOC is love.]
momslilassassin: (Ben: listening)
Ben sat as unobtrusively as possible in the room as Jaina made her case to the Council and to her parents. “Mom and Dad, I’m sorry for this,” she said, looking them straight in the eyes, “but I think we have to go after Jacen. I think it’s our duty.”

“What do you mean ‘go after’?” Saba asked when it was clear that Han and Leia weren’t going to speak. “This one knowz you have been training with Boba Fett, but that has not worked before.”

I mean eliminate. I mean hunt down and kill. )

[OOC: Dialogue stolen from Troy "Whack Off More Limbs!" Denning and his book Invincible. NFB, NFI, etc., etc.]
momslilassassin: (Ben: lost little boy)
Weeks passed. The Jedi base was packed up, most of the equipment and ships airlifted to their new location, and Luke finally returned from Fondor, walking through the vacant halls with a stony expression. Ben caught rumors of a dogfight with Jacen (and really. Like Jacen had a shot against his dad), Niathal and Jacen turning warships against each other, and Pellaeon being murdered for refusing to keep his ships on Jacen’s losing side. Ben had some deeply uncomfortable suspicions about who might’ve been responsible for that.

And then, because things couldn’t get much darker, really, he got a secure comm from Shevu. )

[OOC: I just keep beating the kid up, don't I? Dialogue tweaked from Revelation by Karen Traviss. NFB, NFI, etc., etc.]
momslilassassin: (Ben: brooding is a family thing)
I can do this, Ben chanted to himself as the windswept surface of Kavan expanded quickly under the vessel. I can face this.

“You okay, Ben?” Lon Shevu, Captain in the Galactic Alliance Guard and long-time friend asked, glanced over worriedly.

“Fine,” Ben assured him. He hadn’t called in the galaxy’s biggest favor to get Shevu to come with him out to Hapan space without authorization under the noses of both Tenel Ka (who was in a Mood. Kidnapping her daughter would do that.) and Jacen—only to get cold feet now.

“Think cop,” Shevu said. “Just keep thinking cop.”

Kavan was a lot less desolate than Ben remembered. )

[OOC: Dialogue taken and tweaked from Karen Traviss' Relevation. NFI, NFB, OOC is loved and fed cookies.]


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Ben Skywalker

September 2017

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