Shuttle landing zone, Hijra [Six months in stasis, twelve years Earth time gone, Tuesday in Fandom]

[momslilassassin]

After saying their final goodbyes to Ender's parents before getting to Ganges, there wasn't really much point to staying awake between stops, and so all three of them went into stasis for the duration of the flight between Ganges and Hijra, a planet they'd picked for its relative obscurity, warm, dry climate, and sand (but not too much sand, Ben had been sure to check. He hadn't come all this way to end up on another Tatooine. There was obscure and there was "furthest star from anything.") Besides, after their trip back to Kaeleer, Ben hadn't exactly been anxious to be alone with his thoughts for much time.

He'd memorized what little information had changed about their new home planet: very quiet, minimal interference from Earth's government (which was now a few generations past Peter's time, and that was a little hard to get used to), made up primarily of Earth immigrants from the Middle East, and Northern and Central parts of Africa. They'd been drawn to the heat as much as Ben had been. With all of his possessions in the duffel over his shoulder, he stepped down out of the shuttle and took his first breath of non-recycled air in six months. "Sure is hot," he said, tilting his head up to the sun. "Feels good. Where's our house again?"

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[momslilassassin]

"I don't know," Ben admitted softly, putting a hand over his eyes. "It's like fighting against a ghost...like with Tahiri and Anakin again. I know I don't need to, but--"

[endsthegame]

Ender rubbed at his forehead. "Ben, how long have we known each other?"

[momslilassassin]

"Almost ten years, depending on how you count time," Ben murmured.

[endsthegame]

"I knew Alai for seven, give or take," Ender said, "And for near half that time, we weren't friends."

He sat forward. "That time ended over ten years ago. Now, there's nothing left here to fight."

[momslilassassin]

Ben curled his arms around himself, still not trusting himself to make eye contact. He felt stupidly vulnerable right now. "Okay."

[endsthegame]

Ender slipped out of his chair and sat down on his knees in front of Ben.

"Hey," he said quietly, looking up at him.

[momslilassassin]

"Hey," Ben whispered back. "I'm kind of an idiot."

[endsthegame]

Ender reached up and touched his cheek. "You are," he agreed. "But that's okay."

[momslilassassin]

Ben closed his eyes and leaned into Ender's hand, more than a little desperate for contact now.

[endsthegame]

Ender sighed and leaned in closer. Not for a kiss, this time, but for a hug. "You stupid kriffing fool," he murmured.

[momslilassassin]

"It's Alai," Ben mumbled into Ender's shoulder as he hugged him back as hard as he could. "There's a history there I can't even try to compete with."

Taking some of the war stories of Tahiri and Anakin and projecting? Maybe a bit, but Ben had never gotten over the tiny voice in the back of his head saying he wasn't quite good enough.

[endsthegame]

Ender snorted softly. "What do you have to compete about?" he murmured into Ben's hair. "He's an old friend and some sacred memories. You're the person I've chosen to spend my life with. On the grand cosmic scale, I'd say you won this before it even started."

He didn't like talking about this in those terms, but they were the words he felt had the most chance to get through to Ben.

[momslilassassin]

Ben relaxed slightly to hear them, though he was still holding onto Ender like he was afraid he'd disappear. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

[endsthegame]

Ender kissed the side of his head. "You are one of my first and most important priorities," he said. "That's what being partners means."

[momslilassassin]

Ben let out a little sigh. "Between this and Ganges and your parents and the stuff with Karla...I think I needed an emotional out. I'm sorry Alai bore the brunt of it."

[endsthegame]

"He can handle it," Ender said, giving Ben a little squeeze.

[momslilassassin]

"He shouldn't have had to."

And now we've entered the "Ben gives himself a guilt trip" portion of the day...

[endsthegame]

Ender let out a sigh. "No, probably not," he said, "But it's pointless to focus on that just so you can have something else to feel terrible about."

[momslilassassin]

Ben snuggled in against Ender's shoulder. "Probably. On the plus side, we've learned these chairs kind of fit two?"

[endsthegame]

"That's always good to know," Ender agreed, kissing his cheek. "But I'd have crawled up here even if it broke. Screw our deposit."

[momslilassassin]

Ben sighed softly, closing his eyes. "I love you. Sorry I turned neurotic."

[endsthegame]

"I love you too," Ender murmured. "Which is something, you'll note, you won't find me saying to Alai."

[momslilassassin]

There was a tiny, petty part of Ben that was extremely glad to hear that. He leaned in and kissed Ender on the mouth, keeping it soft and not nearly as needy and possessive as he was really feeling.

[endsthegame]

Ender kissed him back softly.

"C'mon," he said, "We'll get some food and head back to our room to unpack."

[momslilassassin]

"Val got some good stuff," Ben agreed. "Lots of fruit."

Which was his compromise on the "eating vegetables" thing.