momslilassassin | Room 204 [after graduation]

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Room 204 [after graduation]

Ben had been working and getting nowhere on his speech to his father, and he was running out of time to come up with a better way to say it.

So he'd invited him back to his room after the ceremony was over, trusting that one of his dozen relatives would keep an eye on Vestara for them.

He closed his door, ignoring the slightly appraising glance his father was giving the room, and took a deep breath.

"Um, Dad?"

At least that part had been well rehearsed.

[OOC: For me.]

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"Yes?" Luke replied, still looking around. "You've managed to acquire a lot of stuff over the ye--is that an astromech droid?"

Ben nodded, eager to have something else to talk about. "Yeah. I started working on it after Mom--well, when I stopped slee--Yes. I made it."

"It's impressive," Luke said, squatting down to get a closer look at it. "You can tell me you weren't sleeping, you know," he added. "It's not exactly something I didn't figure out. I wasn't sleeping a lot after Mara died either."

"Feels like she should be here today, doesn't it?" Ben murmured. "I keep turning around and expecting to see her."

Luke nodded. "She'd be so proud of you," he said, then shook his head. "You don't need for me to tell you that. You already know it."

"It's still nice to hear," Ben said softly, dropping down to sit on Ender's bed.

"I'd say you don't look all that packed," Luke commented, sitting down on the other bed, "but I've seen you be ready to go in ten minutes before."

"Yeah, about that," Ben said, fighting a wave of nerves, "I'm not coming back with you."

Luke blinked slowly. "Oh, you're following in the shuttle," he said after a moment.

Ben shook his head. "I'm staying here for the summer," he said, "but when it's over--"

Now or never, Skywalker.

"--I'm going with Ender to his home galaxy and lending him my expertise in setting up a new planet."

Despite Anakin's lecture beyond shadows about the dangers of putting all of his hopes on one person, despite his own instincts telling him that setting the Jedi Council as a family dynasty would end in disaster, Luke had never once considered the idea that when Ben was done with Fandom, he wouldn't come home.

The news caught him flat-footed and he stared stupidly at his son for a long moment.

"Say something," Ben finally murmured when the tension in the room grew unbearable.

Luke reached up to rub the bridge of his nose. "What's there to say?" he asked quietly. "You're an astute, well-trained Jedi. If you've decided that you'd rather spend your time camping with Ender than fighting Sith--"

"That's unfair," Ben replied, frowning. "I've never run from my duty--to you, to the Jedi, to the galaxy...but Dad, I'm tired. If it's not the Yuuzhan Vong, it's the Sith, or Daala, or the Jedi going barvy, or some unkillable something breaking out of the Maw. I'm just one person. I can't possibly turn the tide of this war, or the next one, or the one after that--but I can help people new to space travel learn how to adjust."

"I think you're selling yourself awfully short," Luke said, looking up to meet Ben's eyes. "You're the Jedi that everyone in your generation will turn to."

"Like Anakin," Ben murmured, shaking his head sharply. "I don't want that, Dad. I don't want to be the great hope of the Order, burnt out or dead before I'm twenty." He swallowed hard. "I'm not saying I'm quitting, or that I'm leaving you to deal with Abeloth and Vestara and her planetful of friends on your own. I'm saying that you need to remember there's more to the Jedi Order than me, Aunt Leia, and Jaina, and now that you're not in exile, you need to use them."

Luke looked at his son and missed Mara more than he had words for. She would know what to say here. He was just floundering around and hoping not to destroy a relationship that was inexpressibly precious to him.

"So you'll be a Jedi in a different galaxy," he replied. "You're that already. Nothing will really change."

He knew as soon as he said that that it wasn't true. Ben had made a choice...and it wasn't Luke. When had his son grown up? Where had he been?

He shook his head, knowing the answer. He'd been fighting for the same galaxy that had already chewed his son up and so thoroughly exhausted him.

"You are so much smarter than I am," he murmured.

Ben's lips quirked up. "Duh."

Then, surprisingly himself a bit, he launched himself at his dad for a tight hug.

Luke let out a little "oof" as Ben's full weight hit him--the kid wasn't light any more--but hugged him back. Ben wasn't overly demonstrative with him most days, so he'd take the contact when he could.

"You be careful," he whispered fiercely.

Yes, the last few times Ben had been with him, he'd been tortured, beaten up and almost eaten, and starved, and nearly killed, and maimed--and it finally hit Luke that that might not be the normal state of things for most people.

He closed his eyes. "Ender is lucky to have you," he added.

"It goes both ways," Ben replied with a little smile, pulling back before he did something stupid like cry.

"Thanks, Dad," he murmured.

"For what?" Luke asked, reaching out to ruffle Ben's hair. "You've been trained to see clearly and follow your instincts. I'd be a bad Jedi and a worse father to second-guess what you feel is right for you."

It didn't mean Ben's choice wasn't eating him up inside, but that burden wasn't one he was going to share with his son. His Force sense was projecting nothing he didn't want it to.

"I wasn't sure how you'd react," Ben admitted. "I was afraid to tell you."

Hearing that hurt Luke more than he'd expected. "Why?"

Ben shrugged. "Because you're disappointed in me."

"I'm disappointed, but never in you," Luke said firmly. He took a deep breath. "We still have the summer, anyway. Will you try to get home before you head off to this new planet?"

"Shakespeare, and I'll certainly working to," he said. "I don't want to abandon you guys to the Sith or anything."

He just didn't want it to be the only thing he ever did. He'd seen the difference in spirits between his father and the Luke who'd attended Fandom, and he didn't want to seem that beaten down.

Luke was feeling a little abandoned, but he was the grown-up here and was
going to suck that up.

"I'm sure we'll manage," he said, "but I thought you'd want to say goodbye to the Solos."

"I'm not leaving forever," Ben said quietly. "Just for a few years. Ender's not easy with settling down in one place, and I've never done it either."

Luke didn't point out the mortality rate of their family hadn't been that great over the last few years--Ben already knew.

"Say goodbye anyway," he said softly.

Ben nodded. "I will. Maybe in a few weeks?"

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Room 204 [after graduation]

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