The Portal on Shakespeare [a week later]

[momslilassassin]

A mattress had been bought for guests, the house had been scrubbed from top to bottom and then bottom to top, and Ben, even though he knew that Luke wouldn't care in the slightest, had stressed out about what they'd have for dinner for the last three days.

Now he was a half-hour early for the time his father had sent him for the portal, bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet.

He was excited and terrified in almost equal measure.

Sounds like a fun vacation, huh?

Comments

[endsthegame]

"Ben has been equal parts excited and terrified about the idea," Ender said quietly. "But he needed to see you."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

"Terrified?" Luke repeated. "I didn't think we'd left things that bad between us."

[endsthegame]

"You didn't," Ender said, leaning back against counter. "He's not afraid of you. He's afraid because he's worried about himself."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

"How so?" Luke asked, sipping from his mug.

[endsthegame]

"He was raised thinking becoming a Jedi was the only path he was allowed to take," Ender said. "All his responsibilities were tied up in it, and his feelings didn't matter. That doesn't just go away because he made one big decision to remove himself from that situation."

He glanced at Luke. "He has these big arguments in his head about whether it's right for him to be here, even if he is happy," he said. "It's easier for him to act like it's because you'll be making those arguments."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

"To come here and ask him to come home?" Luke replied quietly. "Do you think that's why I'm here?"

[endsthegame]

"If I did, I wouldn't be telling you all this," Ender said. "I argued for you to come because he needs to realize that you're his father, and you don't see him as some extra set of shoulders needed to carry a burden, but that you love him and you want to see him happy. Because maybe then he can finally let go of some of this guilt and shame that keeps gnawing at him."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

Luke took a long sip of hot chocolate to buy him time to gather his thoughts. "I do want him to be happy," he said finally, "and I've missed him every day he's been gone, and not because he's an excellent Jedi."

[endsthegame]

"I know," Ender said. "It's why I think you two should really spend some time working on one of our skimmers together."

He spoke fluent Skywalker bonding by now, even if it wasn't his own style with Ben.

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

Luke smiled, recognizing it as such.

"Once he wakes up," he promised, "I'll get out of your way for a little while."

[endsthegame]

"I don't mind you being in my way, for what it's worth," Ender said, smiling back at him. "We might be family for some time."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

"For some time?" Luke replied, arching an eyebrow.

[endsthegame]

"Ben seems pretty set on sticking around," Ender said simply.

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

Luke smiled a little wryly. "That he does. He has a gift for loyalty."

Which was why his display in the Council room had come as such a shock to Luke: Ben had a very difficult time letting go of anything.

"You choice of wording just surprised me," he explained. "I was wondering if you and Ben had made this official in a way he hadn't mentioned to me yet."

[endsthegame]

"No, we haven't," Ender said matter-of-factly. "I don't think we really need to. It's official enough."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

"I didn't know Ben would make his choice so early," Luke said quietly, "but I think he's made a good one."

[endsthegame]

Ender smiled.

He didn't want to make Luke worry unnecessarily by dumping his own personal worries about how long it would last on him.

"Thanks," he said, "That means a lot."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

Luke's eyes scanned Ender's face. "Something troubling you?"

[endsthegame]

"A lot of things do. I'm a governor, after all, and once I was an admiral," Ender said lightly. "Either way, it's nothing you should worry about."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

"Does that work when you try it on Ben either?" Luke asked a little wryly.

[endsthegame]

"You're not your son," Ender said. "Which means I don't owe you disclosure, and in return, you don't have to be burdened with every thought that passes my mind."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

"Somehow I don't think you burden Ben with every thought that passes your mind either," Luke replied. "You've always struck me as very insular for someone who wasn't trained specifically in closing people out of your mind."

[endsthegame]

"I am what my teachers made me," Ender said. "You don't have to be a Jedi to sweep away a child at a young age and train them for war."

[notsoreckless.livejournal.com]

"But the war's over now," Luke pointed out.

[endsthegame]

"Do soldiers magically return to their civilian selves when the war is over?"