Aboard the Mrs. Morgan [a month after last time]

[momslilassassin]

Game night had gone without a hitch (well, other than the argument Ben had in his halting French with a colonist trying to skip Park Place in Monopoly) and he and Ender were now heading back to their room after a brief stop for ice cream and drinks in the mess.

"That was fun," he said, bumping his shoulder into Ender's. "Movie night next?"

Comments

[endsthegame]

"Yeah," Ender said softly. "I know what that's like."

[momslilassassin]

Ben kissed him again. "Figured you might."

[endsthegame]

Ender smiled a little bit. "Have you shaken it?" he asked quietly. "I... when we lay here and it's peaceful, I'm still expecting something to go wrong. And I don't know what to do in those few moments where I don't."

[momslilassassin]

"Was that what happened just now?" Ben asked.

[endsthegame]

"Yeah," Ender said softly.

[momslilassassin]

Ben kissed him again. "Yeah, I've felt that before."

[endsthegame]

"It doesn't go away," Ender murmured.

[momslilassassin]

"It hasn't yet for me either," Ben replied, hugging him again.

[endsthegame]

Ender sighed and hugged him back tightly. "Oh," he said softly. "Good."

Not that it hadn't gone. More that he wasn't alone.

[momslilassassin]

"One of the things Mom's death--and Jacen's--taught me was to say what I mean when I still have the chance to," Ben whispered. "So I'm going to love you as hard as I can for as long as this lasts, okay?"

[endsthegame]

"I know," Ender said, his eyes darting up to Ben's face. "And you're welcome to stay with me as long as you n-- want to."

[momslilassassin]

Ben rested his hand on Ender's cheek. "What's the difference for you between want and need?" he asked.

[endsthegame]

Ender leaned into Ben's hand. "Sometimes life presents something better along the road," he said. "And some of us are too stubborn to hop aboard."

[momslilassassin]

"Care to give an example?" Ben replied softly.

[endsthegame]

"Alessandra," Ender said quietly. "If she doesn't get a push, she'll be following her mother around for a long time."

[momslilassassin]

Ben nodded. "It's not going to be a big enough colony for her to lose herself in, either."

[endsthegame]

"No," Ender agreed, because he was hardly going into the details of the plan that had been fomenting in his brain for the past year and a half now here. "Sometimes it's our emotional connections that keep us from seeing what the next step should be."

[momslilassassin]

"Like with Jacen," Ben agreed softly.

[endsthegame]

"Yeah," Ender said. "Like Jacen."

[momslilassassin]

Ben closed his eyes and leaned his forehead into Ender's. "I don't think we'll turn into that."

[endsthegame]

"Well, I certainly don't plan to use you like that," Ender said quietly. "But please don't pretend like there isn't some situation or another where I could stand in the way of your life."

[momslilassassin]

"I'm sure there's a few ways that could play out," Ben agreed, stroking Ender's cheek, "but let's not borrow trouble, okay?"

[endsthegame]

"I'm not," Ender said. "But you asked."

[momslilassassin]

"I did," Ben replied, kissing his neck, "and there are a number of options who aren't me being put in your path, too."

[endsthegame]

"I just keep going," Ender said quietly. "I don't think anyone will stop me."