Room 204 [early afternoon]

[momslilassassin]

If he was being very honest with himself--which Ben tried to be--he wasn't exactly feeling like going to a dance tonight. The months he'd spent with Bean and Petra had been mentally and emotionally exhausting, and watching Achilles get executed hadn't exactly been a highlight.

And he was very, very worried about Ender. Under the guise of messing with his hair--which had gotten long and fairly stupid looking--he glanced at Ender in the mirror and waited for his roommate to say something.

[OOC: For the roomie!]

Comments

[endsthegame]

"I'm not going to deny it was exhausting," he said, "But I'm okay."

From Ender, that wasn't much.

[momslilassassin]

"You aren't," Ben said flatly, "and you shouldn't be." He nudged his shoulder against Ender's. "So talk to me. Let me see those months through your eyes."

[endsthegame]

"You missed your calling as a therapist, Skywalker," he said, battling his own exhaustion to see which one would win out.

[momslilassassin]

"It's hard to trust your feelings when you don't know what they are," Ben said.

Which he then ignored, but this wasn't about Ben's issues.

"So Jedi are kind of therapists, in a way." He reached out to rub the muscles at the back of Ender's neck.

[endsthegame]

There was a momentary flinch, and then Ender's muscles held out straight, neither recoiling nor relaxing into the touch. "I'm well aware of what my feelings are," he said, "I just don't see the point of pontificating on them endlessly."

Well, besides in his head, but that was a free space. For the most part.

[momslilassassin]

"Not endlessly, just the once," Ben said, leaving his hand where it was. "Your brain is going a thousand kilometers a second and I can't follow it."

[endsthegame]

"Ben," he sighed, rubbing at his eyes. "You'll just have to run, then."

[momslilassassin]

"Don't go away on me," Ben pleaded quietly. "I'm keeping up as well as I'm able."

[endsthegame]

There was a short silence.

"I took care of some holes in Bean's plans," Ender said, finally. "Maybe not enough. I don't think any of it is enough."

[momslilassassin]

Ben sneakily slid his hand across Ender's shoulders in a one-armed hug. He knew there wasn't a point to telling Ender it wasn't his fight.

"Your adjustments'll save lives," he said softly.

[endsthegame]

"It doesn't matter. They're going to tear each other apart," Ender said, distantly. "And there's only so much I can do."

[momslilassassin]

Ben's grip tightened just a little bit. "I know."

[endsthegame]

"I wish I was already in the colonies," he said, rubbing at his brow. "Then this, all of this, would be a matter of the past, of already done and gone, and I could just let go and leave them to their futures."

[momslilassassin]

"Where this wouldn't hurt any more?" Ben guessed.

[endsthegame]

Ender laughed; it was rueful, and probably not too reassuring. "Where my responsibilities would be safely passed off to someone else," he said, "I was never very good at avoiding them otherwise."

[momslilassassin]

No, that laugh wasn't all that reassuring. "You could always stop checking your mail?" Ben suggested, knowing even as he did it was an option that neither of them would take.

[endsthegame]

"While Peter is trying to run the planet?"

[momslilassassin]

Ben snorted. "You heard Graff. Peter's the good guy now."

His hand moved down to rub circles on Ender's back.

[endsthegame]

There was a simple, childish instinct pressing at the back of his head, telling him to turn around and maybe dig his nose into Ben's shoulder and let go.

But those connections had been cut a long time ago, and so Ender's back merely remained a sturdy presence under Ben's hand. "It's Peter," he said, "He'll do whatever he has to to expand his base of power. Maybe when he has the Earth, he'll be satisfied. Probably not."

[momslilassassin]

Ben's hand kept moving anyway. "I didn't like him," he offered. "I'm sure you're shocked."

[endsthegame]

"Terribly so," Ender said, dryly. "What with him being so charming, and all."

If there was anyone they could agree to dislike in Ender's world, it'd be Peter.

[momslilassassin]

Which was why Ben had started there.

"I don't think Karla is cut out for subtle politics, though," he said with a small laugh. "She made me look both understated and patient."

[endsthegame]

"I figured there was more of a reason for Peter to lock her out of operations entirely beyond her 'beestings'."

[momslilassassin]

Ben's hand moved lightly across Ender's back, searching out tightened muscles with the instincts of someone who carried their stress in their back as well. "She told him to his face exactly what she thought of him," Ben said with a slightly scandalized giggle.

[endsthegame]

"Oh," Ender said, "I can't see where that could possibly go wrong."

Some of his muscles were slowly relaxing. It didn't take away the fact that his posture was still obviously strung tight for action.