momslilassassin | Ender's Swingin' Bachelor Pad, Naboo [Wednesday, Fandom time]

"Thank the Darkness," Karla mumbled. "I get genuinely and truly scared when he goes home nowadays."

Because then he came back with more scars and nightmares.

"I'm glad you went with him and kept an eye on him last time," she added. "But I'm even gladder he's decided just to sit the rest of the summer out."

And then they'd be off to Shakespeare and what Luke did or didn't do would no longer be Ben's concern.

"He wants to go back one last time to say goodbye to his father," Ender said quietly. "I'm not going to begrudge him that."

And that was why Ender was a better person than Karla.

"I...want to not begrudge him," she admitted. "Or, rather, I don't begrudge him the impulse, but I can't help but worry and wish that he wasn't."

Not that it was Karla's place to begrudge or not. Or that she would ever breathe a word of her feelings to Ben anyway.

"Either way, I can't blame him for it. I'd feel the same, I know."

"He can take care of himself, and I've got his back."

Possibly in more ways than Karla was, or was going to be, privy to. Actually, in more ways than anyone involved was really privy to.

"But I'll be glad once we're aboard that boat, I can't deny that."

"I know he can and I know you do," Karla said. She hadn't been trying to argue or suggest that wasn't true. "I just wish that him going home didn't require either of those."

She hugged her knees, adding, "And, yeah, I know. Wishing things were different is kind of pointless. I just...do, sometimes."

Ender's mouth quirked up. "I can't begrudge you that, either," he said. "But at least it won't be much longer. We can be pleased with that."

Right. Because then they would be flying off for a bajillionty years to a planet that probably didn't have a portal or a post office accessible by Fandom or even a telephone system that could be reached with her phone.

And then they would scrimp and toil just to survive and any number of other horrible, nightmare scenarios Karla's sulky dislike of Ender's colony could come up with.

But she'd keep that all internal, thanks much. "We can be," she agreed firmly. "Though I'd told him that if he'd had any other plan than flying off with you, I'd've had him kidnapped."

By his one true love, Purple Guy.

Ender was quietly of the opinion that if they didn't have that - time somewhere remote, where portal access was scarce or non-existent - they would be too easily drawn into, if not their home universe's intrigues and dangers, then that of the universes of their friends.

He was also too tired of both intrigues and this brand of dangers to feel too guilty about wanting to pursue that very state.

"I'm glad we can rely on you to look after Ben's well-being if he wanders off the path," he joked, though there was a core of truth to it, much as he doubted Karla's ability to keep anyone out of trouble.

What if Karla promised not to ever tell them about anything wrong ever again? Could she get a secret method to communicate with them, then?

"I am fully committed to keeping him facial-hair free," Karla said, shaking her head. The only thing she could remember about that weekend was Ben's dead animal glued on his face. "You have my word on it."

Somehow, Ender didn't think Jane would go for that, Karla.

"Good," he said, with quiet honesty. "I'd rather not see a repeat of that."

His reasons not to talk about it had kind of evaporated after he and Ben got together; he just wasn't usually inclined to bring it up.

Awww, Jaaaaaaaane! C'mon! Please? Pretty please? With sugar on top? Karla would be your best friiiiiiiend!

"I don't either," she said, brushing her bangs out of her way. "I don't even remember it and I'd still prefer not to have it repeated. I treasure your happiness--but not just happiness." Her expression clouded over as she tried to word her thoughts. "More than happiness; your emotional well-being, I guess. If that makes sense?" She sighed in frustration. "I'm not saying it right."

"No, you're saying it well enough." The smile on Ender's face was fleeting, but definitely genuine. "Thank you, Karla. The feeling is mutual, of course."

He looked up at the sky. "I remember a fair deal about that weekend. More than I've told you," he said. "I should've taken it as a clue much sooner than I did."

"I am?" Karla looked equal parts relieved and dubious. "I'm glad that you've learned to translate Karla-babble, then."

His lessons in dealing with her would probably stand him in good stead for his future as governor, if nothing else.

"Do you mind telling me some about it?" she asked, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. "I remember being angry at you and sad for Ben--" and annoyed at Raven and Jono both "--but I don't remember why."

Ender sighed. "I'd followed my original plan and left without doing anything, and then assumed communication would be impossible after my departure," he said. "I'd expected it to work. Instead I stranded Ben in a twilight zone between universes that didn't fit him."

"He was in mine," Karla said softly, remembering her conversation with Ben after that weekend. "Serving in my Court. And...I think I knew that it wasn't what he wanted. It was just the least bad of all of his options."

"Sometimes he went home," Ender said. "Sometimes he'd go to Tony's universe. He was angry with me, but... we sorted it out."

Ahem.

Karla's expression suggested she could guess how they'd sorted it, but she wasn't going to say anything. Because she was a good friend.

"Can I ask you something fairly intrusive and personal?" she asked instead. "About why you finally agreed to let Ben come with you?"

Ender rubbed the back of his neck. "Sure."

It wasn't about sex, Ender! Promise!

"Did you invite him along just to save him?" Karla asked quietly. "I mean, it's not that I doubt you love him, far from that. But I know love isn't necessarily enough of a reason for you to ask him to come with you. But if you thought that you could protect him from Luke or a lifetime of pining..."

Ender shook his head. "It's not about protection, Karla," he said. "I want him to thrive-- I want him to know what it's like to make his own decisions and take control of his own life, to find a life that's fulfilling for him. I gave him the choice because he needed a choice, because he hasn't had one in too long."

He smiled briefly. "I hope that makes sense."

Karla nodded. "It does, and it sort of answers my question, but..." She bit her lip again, glancing away to bring order to her thoughts. "If you hadn't seen what he would have been like, would you still have invited him? Assuming that you two had figured things out before this summer anyway. Even if you'd accepted that he loves you and you love him, would you still have asked him if you hadn't seen that possible future?"

"Yes," Ender said simply. "I don't have to see the future to know the Jedi life as Luke dictates it isn't made for him. I certainly don't need it to know he's seen too much war and he deserves a chance at something better. I asked him before I made any kind of move - really even conceptualized doing it - for a reason."

"I'm glad," Karla said with a nod, and then paused. "You think he'll be useful, too, right? I mean, you aren't just bringing him for his benefit. Not that I think you'd bring him along just to have a live-in lover, obviously you think he'll be useful, I just want..." She made another frustrated face, usually she was much better at speaking than this. "...I guess I just want to know that you're not bringing him along just for his benefit. That you're doing it for both of you."

"I'm bringing him along because he feels it's the best option for him right now, and I agree," Ender said. "It's not a decision that's about my wants and needs, precisely. But it's a happy side-effect that his and mine seem to overlap in this case."

He shrugged gently. "For as far as it'll take us," he added. "Nothing is writ in stone."

"You invited him along and he chose to come because it's the best option for him, compared to all of his other possibilities," Karla murmured. "The fact that you love each other isn't exactly irrelevant, but not the deciding factor either. Is that true?"

In fact, the more she thought about it-- "If you thought he was only going because he loved you, you wouldn't have invited him, would you."

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