Brilliant, on a curve of Skywalker

Because I know I'll be looking for all of them to wonder just exactly what we'd been smoking, here's what Ben left for his friends, relatives, and people he mistakenly misdialed (with the rest of his idiot friends linked into the comments):

To Ender: HI. I THINK I JUST PULLED MY GROIN BUT THE DISMOUNT WAS ASTRAL OKAY.

To Jaina: WORMS TASTE LIKE BACON BY THE WAY. I ALWAYS WNDERED.

To Deadpool: Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?

To Billy: i just sent this text using only my big toe

To Tony: careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....

To Peter: "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. I just tried calling my phone on my phone because I thought I lost my phone. Also Tony borrowed my pants. Long story."

To Steph: "Hey, do you think Topher would look better bald? Because I think so."

To Karla: I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka